As I sit here typing this, I have laid my daughter down in her crib for the first time and I’m listening to her half-cry/hiccup and trying not to give into the urge to pick her up and soothe her to sleep. She was born on Friday, August 29th exactly one week before my birthday, and she waited until her Aunt Sarah was here to help Jason and I through the whole labor & delivery process. We named her Eden Jane.
She sleeps next to our bed at night and as I lay there listening to her breathe, I pray this prayer:
Father, bless her little heart and keep it beating.
Bless her tiny lungs; keep them breathing.
Bless her little eyes, Lord, keep them closed for 3-4 hours, please.
Bless her little bum, please keep the rashes away.
My mother named me Bethany, which is a Biblical town that Jesus would visit because of the friends he had there. She always told me that she named me after a place that Jesus loved to be. Eden is also named after a Biblical place; a garden where God walked with his people. I like the symmetry of our names both being places where God walked on Earth with us.
Her middle name is after a close friend of ours who recently passed away, we wanted to honor her and also give Eden the name of a strong role model.
Lord, bless her little body, please keep it warm because she won’t let me swaddle her arms.
Bless her tiny mind, soothe her thoughts and let her sleep.
Please bless her little vocal chords, let her make it known if something is actually wrong.
Bless her little life, Lord, keep her close to you as you always have with me.
There are parts about motherhood that are ridiculously hard. They told me for the first few weeks I would cry a lot, but I didn’t know that I would cry about irrational and weird things, like the fact that she is so little, or that we might not be able to afford diapers, or that so many things could potentially kill her. It is exhausting, and poor Jason has no idea what to do.
They told me breastfeeding would be hard, but I didn’t realize that when they said feed your baby every 2-3 hours during the day and 3-4 hours at night that what they really meant was that your baby will wake up and want to eat but then fall into an unwakeable zombie-like sleep before she has had enough, or that you will barely finish one feeding and finally drift off before she is acting hungry again. And you will be SO SORE but will have to feed her over and over again anyway.
There are also parts about motherhood that make it all worthwhile. Like when she snuggles close to me and sleeps for hours or when Jason puts his arms around me in the middle of the night and whispers, “you’re a good mom.”
So she is finally quiet in her crib, at least for the moment. I’ll probably sneak in there to make sure she is okay, then try to take a much needed nap. It is our first day home without Jason because he had to go back to work, and I’ve been terrified of this day, (read: lots of random crying) but it really hasn’t been so bad. I have friends coming this afternoon and evening to visit and my Mom will be here tomorrow for a few days. When I really look at it, God is providing people for me all over the place. There is no reason to doubt his goodness and care for my little family.
Such has been the first week of motherhood. :-)