Coming to Guam, I thought that something would click and I would suddenly be more godly; that something would happen and it would be easy for me to do devotions and really seek out God’s will for my life. But while my scenery and schedule did change dramatically, my issues have stayed the same. Why did I think that traveling halfway around the world would make me a better Christian?
I’ve been hit with a lot of doubts about why I’m here and what I should be doing. It’s easy to spend every day hanging out instead of being productive, putting off that time when I’m really going to buckle down and get serious about me and God. If anything since I’ve gotten here I have become more confused about the direction I’m headed, sometimes I think I need to be in the rehab program just as much as some of the ladies I’m working with. There is so much ugliness in my heart and mind that needs to be dug out. I think I need major reconstructive surgery of the heart to get me looking even remotely Christ-like.
The thing I have to remind myself is, don’t waste it. God gave me 6 months in this beautiful place away from the craziness of banking and college. He paved the way for me to be here and allowed me to take this time that I said I needed to correct these things that have slowly gone downhill in my life. If I spend 6 months here and go home with the exact same issues, never having taken the time to work through these things, I will have wasted the time.
I brought two books with me: the Bible and Richard J. Foster’s Celebration of Discipline. It was a last minute grab, but one of my favorite books because it walks you through spiritual disciplines, starting with inward ones, then outward and corporate. I need to re-walk through that book and get to work on disciplining my life and lining my mind up with Christ.
Enough blogging… I’m going to get started.