Wednesday, October 24th, 2012

I have not been blogging of late.

My business is kinda busy, which is good but it means that I’m slightly overwhelmed with trying to design things that people like and there have been some clients that just aren’t happy with what I give them.  It is hard to price my work at all, let alone try to figure out if I should charge them more after I’ve designed 4 or 5 things and they didn’t like any of them.  GAH.

I’m fighting bitterness toward some people here and trying to learn to forgive and respond to them with kindness.

There are also many happy things going on, I made a group of friends at church and have been able to hang out with them a lot.  I spent two whole afternoons on the beach in a row and had a great time talking, playing with kids and kayaking in the ocean.  There are definitely things that I’ll miss about being here, but all in all I feel ready to go home.

I have never been the one that struggled financially, even when I was running a super tight budget I always had enough to pay all of the bills.  Right now I’m finding myself caught with just a trickle of money coming in and barely able to get one bill paid before the next month’s bill comes out.  It is one of the most frustrating and difficult things I’ve ever had to deal with because I hate being the person who can’t take care of themselves, but I feel like that is what God is teaching me right now, that maybe my credit won’t be amazing and I’ll have to be humiliated with late notices, but he is still in control and money is not what I lean on.

I’m also having to be very flexible with my future, which is another area that I always had a very tight reign on.  I might be trying to get back into school or I might be living at home and working for a little while again, it could be at Members1st where I still technically am employed or it could be at a new place hopefully moving closer to the kind of job I want long term in a church or ministry.  All of it is up in the air and I hate up in the air.  I like structured and figured out and decided upon.

Mom keeps reminding me that God promises everything will work out for good, even if I can’t see how it fits together it is all going to be of use in his ultimate plan for my life.  And I think when I look objectively at it I can see that I do have a fuller understanding of missions than I had before, I think I am less naive when it comes to letting other people determine my success, and I’ve come to see both ends of the stick when it comes to overworking myself and having nothing to do.  I have had some great experiences and met some beautiful people that care about me, and I’ve also lost some people that I thought I would be friends with for life.

So three more weeks on this little island and then I start the epic trek back home.

I’m braced for adventure and ready for disappointment and leaning on Jesus.


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