The State of My Heart

I found this poemish thing that I wrote awhile ago and thought maybe someone could relate..

There seems to be a block in my spirit
Somewhere between where the love is
and where it is expressed.
Something ugly, something hard
It’s big and it’s immovable
and when I just talk to you it’s gone
But when I try to create something
then it stands there with it’s arms crossed
and only the smallest feeling
and the most inadequate words
are able to get through.
And everything seems like a poem
written without a real order.
This isn’t what I feel, Lord.
But maybe this is the state of my heart.

So change the state of my heart!
So make me a new creation,
I know you’ve done it already,
but I don’t feel new!
They say that we should be the most
creative of artists, that our music
should be fresh and inspiring
Because you are a creative God.
Am I not connected?
Am I doing something wrong?
Why is my music dull and flat?
Why are my chords predictable?
Why are my lyrics lame?
I want to be beautiful,
I want to make beautiful things
Like you do.

Maybe I will never have what I want
and I’m resigned to whatever you do.
I don’t know how to be different than I am,
and it’s doubtful that I’m going to change.
But I’ll wait for you
and I’ll keep writing,
I’ll keep giving you my dirty heart
and you can be the judge.


On another note, I realized that I have not been sharing my Guam photos with you and so while the state of my heart creatively is rather constipated, the state of my heart as far as fellowship goes is very blessed and sad to leave my newfound friends.

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