that sick feeling.

The days tick by and I still don’t have a permanent job.  We might be able to get it extended, but in two weeks I’m supposed to be on leave without pay.  I’ve applied and interviewed.. I don’t know what is going to happen.  That makes me feel sick to the stomach.

There are other things in my life that I don’t know what the future holds for them, and every time I waffle on which decision to make or it comes back to this one point that will not change I just feel sick.  Trusting God to guide my future and take care of my needs is one thing, but when the choices are up to me and I have to live with the consequences it is just too much pressure.

This time at home with my family has been precious.  I love being a part of this little group that loves each other and is willing to sacrifice to get each other through hard times.  Maybe all families are like that, but I have just been blown away at my family’s capacity for love and forgiveness and generosity.  Their faith and trust in God makes it easier for me to trust him as well.  We are like a mini body of Christ, spurring one another on toward love and good deeds.

When I’m with my family there isn’t a sick feeling, I’m sure of them.  And I’m sure of God.  I’m just not sure of anything else.


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