Everything is crazy!
Today has been the strangest combination of fun co-workers, grumpy members, complicated paperwork, weird emotional freak outs, great conversations with my hubs and our “son” and listening to worship music. My day is wrapping up sitting in our cozy living room on our big red chair (dubbed “the throne”) and reading the good book.
The words roll over my soul like waves. They ebb up, pushing against my heart and then pull away back into themselves only to come back in a rush and flood me with peace and understanding. I’m reading Jude because it is short and yet it packs a punch. The nice thing about reading short sections is that I can re-read it over and over until I comprehend it.
The line that caught my heart tonight was in verse 22:
“Be merciful to those who doubt..”
Because doubt is a terrifying place to be. Doubt is a dark hole that we fall into and stare out of at others who either have the elusive answers or are ignoring the questions. Doubt gives us nothing to hold onto, because everyone else’s explanation can’t quiet the unrest in our souls. Even when God shows himself to us so clearly, provides for us so well and showers us with blessings we still have a corner of our hearts that doubt his love. Our insecurities make us pull away from the only perfect love there is.
We judge those who doubt, we try to fix those who doubt, we answer their unfounded questions and we give them our easy solutions.. but do we have mercy on them? Do we sit in the hole with them?
I had a friend sit in the hole with me this week. No excessive tears or emotional fix-it-all advice, just a deep empathy and an acknowledgement of my confusion and doubt. My sweet husband also sat with me in that hole and hugged me, kissing my forehead and letting me fall asleep in his arms. Sometimes we don’t need to come out of the hole, we just need to be met there.
Jesus sits in the hole with me when I’m there.
I sympathize with Thomas. When was the last time we heard a sermon about Thomas without giving him a slight knock for his doubt? Jesus recognized that he needed to be able to reassure his fears, so he didn’t offer him a sermon or a test of his faith, he offered him mercy.
“To those who have been called,
who are loved by God the Father
and kept by Jesus Christ..”