I’m reading back through old journals and marveling over God’s faithfulness to me even in my immaturity and selfishness. Isn’t it amazing that in the summer of 2012 I was in Guam, struggling over direction for my life and telling God that all I’ve ever wanted was to be a wife and mom, to have a little home that I can share with friends and be a safe place for them to go? This past summer I was given a wonderful husband and a little apartment to share.
The entry I’m reading right now is really touching my heart, it says, “Father, I feel lost. And I feel obligated to be found because that logically should come next, but I’m not strong enough to come out of the lostness.” I remember that feeling, it is still familiar to me some days. That feeling of knowing what the right direction is, of knowing what the right reaction is, and knowing that you should get out of your funk and go do it.. but these things take time. Just because you know the right thing to do doesn’t always mean that you are at the right part of the process to be able to do it. If you are there, let yourself be lost! He loves you and is just as near to you in the trouble and shame as he is when he finally brings you into joy.
Christmas is past and the new year is coming up on us, so many bright possibilities this year! I am so excited to step into the new unknown with Jason and Jesus at my side. Thank you all for the support and love that you have been to me over 2013, I’m looking forward to friendship and laughter with you this year as well.