God has been giving me just enough. Just enough energy to do the next thing; just enough money to pay the next bill; just enough selflessness to be gracious to the next person; and also just enough of the deep and meaningful conversations that I crave to fill my soul; just enough encouragement to let me know that I am loved and valued. He seems to be a God of just enough at this point in my life. Sometimes I wonder if there is only just enough because I am only offering him the dedication and attention that I have left over? If I sacrificed more of myself would he give more of himself?
My friend, Macy, messaged me on one particularly difficult day and just said, “Tell me your life, friend.”
I think that I wrote her a book! My life is so full of worries and cravings, fear and faith, planning and panic– but it was so refreshing to dump it all out to a friend that I know understands and loves me, regardless of the condemning humanness that lurks around in my soul. Her reply to my rambling message made me laugh and cry simultaneously, which in her words, is the best way to cry.
Then tonight, a friend of mine started asking questions about God, Christians and the church. I was able to share with her that when I am feeling blindsided by the hypocrisy of Christians, it always helps me to go back to the Bible and see that they are acting out of their sin nature, not out of God’s design or instructions for how we are to treat each other. I am praying that through her questions and my (hopefully God-led) replies will help her to rely on God and the Bible for her security and not in the people of the church for acceptance. Fellowship is amazing and necessary, but people sin and you definitely can’t trust them to guide you correctly 100% of the time.
I’m pulling close to my Mom again, which is nice. When I was in Guam we would chat almost every night but since moving home and getting married I feel like we distanced ourselves a bit. Maybe it is being preggers and looking for advice, but I find myself calling her just to talk about life. Maybe we need to be physically far apart in order to remember that we like talking to each other? 🙂
So, that is where God and I are right now. He gives me what I need and surprises me with little extras. I’m going to test my theory about giving more and getting more, because I’d sure like a few extra doses of his goodness.