I’m not a marriage expert or a seasoned wife with tried and true advice. I don’t write an advice blog in attempt to teach my readers anything, or post stuff for anyone else at all. Generally, my blog is like a diary where I’m writing out what is going on in my life or what God is doing, or I use it as a platform to share a cause that I believe in.
I say that because I’ve been avoiding some of the topics that have been coming up in my life because I feel like it will sound too advicey. I don’t know enough about being a wife to give out tips, but I’m learning a crazy amount that I’ve been tucking away in my heart for the years to come. I feel like sharing a few of these things, but I want to add the disclaimer that as someone who only got engaged a year ago yesterday, these are probably only the first stumbling steps and realizations. Some of you long time wives will probably laugh at my naivety.
Because we were “in a relationship” for so many years, I thought that marriage would be easier. I knew that marriage would be technically different, but I felt like it would come naturally to us because of the years spent dealing with each other’s issues already. But married issues are way different than dating issues. WAY DIFFERENT.
I didn’t realize how insecure I was. Jason probably would roll his eyes and say, “I could have told you how insecure you were, sheesh..” but these past 9 months I was kinda astounded at how easily the dumbest thing coming from him would make me feel like the worst failure ever. Suddenly I felt like his opinion defined who I was as a person, which is a craaaaazy unhealthy way to feel.
I assumed that being adults meant that we would act like adults. Nah. Most of the time if we are having fun it is because we are acting like weirdos at the same time and if we are fighting it is because we are acting like teenage drama queens. There is a good amount of normal conversation and daily life stuff, but the funniest moments and the worst moments are because we act way younger than our actual ages.
Things are rarely ever fair. Yeah, so you’d think that we could divvy up chores and responsibilities and stuff evenly, but in reality we both generally feel like we do more than the other person. I get huffy and he gets stoic and we stomp around until we get over it and just do whatever it is that needs done. But fair isn’t realistic. Life is more about sucking it up and getting the junk done.
I kinda thought that being married would be like being besties. You know, like a sleepover with your best friend every night or whatever sappy thing Pinterest says about marriage. There are times when that is true, in fact, I remember a few weeks ago staying up super late eating popcorn and live streaming The Little Rascals off some sketchy website, but it isn’t always like that. Sometimes it feels like living with your family. You take each other for granted, you want to spend time with other friends or be alone and so you go in separate rooms or ignore each other. It isn’t very romantic, but it is true.
So I’ve come up with a few fundamental truths and goals for my wifehood that I’m trying to remember every day. Number one: Jesus is the one with the everlasting love and my worth is tied up in his consistency, not Jason’s inconsistency. Two: I really want to be nice to my husband, regardless of how I feel in the moment. And three: Just like my relationship with God is always changing and moving as I grow, my marriage should not be stagnant.
It is weird that we got engaged a year ago and now we are 4 months away from diving into parenthood. Life is crazy and the unexpected happens and everything moves super fast. But I’ve got to say that this has been the most exhausting and intense growing experience that I have ever been a part of, and I’m loving sharing the journey with my handsome travel buddy.