living in today.

i am very not good at waiting.

in fact, i’m pretty sure that i’ve spent the majority of my life being impatient for whatever the next big thing is.  whether that was going to the ranch, graduating, getting a job, dating, going to guam, coming home from guam, getting engaged, married, and now waiting for this baby to come.  it is one of the traits that i wish i didn’t have.

when jesus says in matthew, “do not worry about tomorrow because tomorrow has enough troubles of its own”, sometimes i need to translate that into my head, “do not want tomorrow, because tomorrow will come and you will just want the next day.”  it is so easy to wish life away day by day, i need to learn to just live the day that i’m in.

so it has been 8 months and 3 weeks that we have been waiting for little e.

i alternate between wanting her to come early and wanting her to wait till her due date.  i don’t really want her to be late at all, but i don’t get much say in that.  i thought that i was uncomfortable and sore and ready to be done.. and then i started getting the false contractions and my feet started swelling up like balloons.  i realized that i had known nothing about uncomfortableness.

i think we are prepared, we have everything set up and ready to bring her home, we know what to expect of the hospital and delivery even in emergency situations, so waiting seems like prolonging the agony.  but.. i think i’ve said in a post before, what could god be teaching me right now that i wouldn’t be able to learn otherwise?  how can i honor him in my huge swollen contractiony state?  what would draw me closer and give others a better view of christ that i won’t be able to do when i’m focused on a brand new baby?  how can i be a witness in the waiting?

there are only a few days left with my co-workers, i can show them the love and peace of god.

there is only a short time left that jason and i are the only members of our little nyhart family, i can give my husband the thanks, attention and love that he needs from me.

there are only a couple of precious moments that i can sit in the quiet and give jesus my undivided attention, i can praise him for his goodness and faithfulness to us.

so baby e is coming and the welcome wagon is eagerly awaiting her arrival.  but i can be content in the few days that i have left to cherish her being quiet and contained before i get to kiss her little cheeks and change her dirty diapers.


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