I feel like all of my responsibilities are like a giant pile of stuff in the middle of my life. Instead of having everything neatly categorized and filed, I have to rummage through the pile to find what I’m looking for and lots of things get lost by the wayside. I need a life organization overhaul. I need professional help.
Through all of this, I’ve started to weed out the things that I had been trying to do and am no longer able to do well, and I’ve also started to hone in on the few things that I want to prioritize. Right now I have like 6 things that I want to prioritize, and I’m still wondering if that is too many things. It is hard to figure out how to do a good job at what my responsibilities are right now, and at the same time put thought and effort into my passions and building future opportunities.
Sometimes it seems like God is on the back burner of my life, and I only have a vague feeling that he is probably trying to teach me things.
I guess what I’m trying to say in this post.. is that surely God can meet me here. Surely, when I am overwhelmed with my life and not excelling in any of the areas that I need to be, he can meet me and love me in that failure.
Over this past year I have experienced a lot of rejection, namely from clients with my graphic design work. I think I took on more than I could handle, or maybe they were just unreasonable, but I began to hate designing things and seriously doubted my ability to do good work. Then I would do a project for one of my pro-bono clients, and in the middle of my insecurity about my creative abilities I would be blindsided by how much they loved what I did and how talented they thought I was. I think that perfectly illustrates how I feel when I realize that God loves me despite my messed up, disorganized and unglorifying life. I go into it completely insecure, feeling like a failure in almost every area, knowing that I have dropped the ball so many times.. and his response is to shower me with love and blessings and compliments. I am blindsided by God’s faithfulness in response to my faithlessness, by his goodness in response to my shortcomings.
But isn’t that what makes him such a good good God to serve.