Can I write a disclaimer? If you are being verbally, emotionally or physically abused or your relationship is unhealthy in another way, please do not feel like I am saying you need to suck it up. Your significant other should be treating you with love and respect!
I’ve been asked about marriage a lot recently, and one friend in particular asked if I ever find that we start to take each other for granted. I don’t know if I’m just starting to feel really nit-picky about wording or what, but the idea that taking someone for granted is inherently bad bothers me a little bit. Taking someone for granted has bad connotations, for sure. It could mean that you aren’t appreciating them, you aren’t giving them any credit, or that you are using a person. But it could also mean that you can count on this person, you can assume of them, and you can trust them without having to think about it. In other words, to take someone for granted could mean that they are your “of course.”
Of course Jason loves me even though my post-baby body is still doing awkward things.
Of course I will rub his feet when he has been working or playing football all day and they hurt.
Of course he can bring Eden down to my job so I can make it to an event with her on time.
Of course I can pack him a lunch so he doesn’t need to worry about it in the morning.
It seems like, in a few of the conversations that I’ve had, there are too many people who are not willing to be someone else’s “of course”. There are too many people who want it to be even, want to be praised, want to be in control, and aren’t willing to give with the possibility that they won’t be paid back.
A marriage can’t be good if it is made up of two selfish people who stubbornly wallow in their selfishness.
Maybe you would say, “But my husband isn’t my ‘of course’! I can never count on him for anything!” And maybe that is true. Maybe he is just as selfish as you say and he needs to change. But then I would say that if you want to have a good marriage, you are only responsible to make your half of it good. You are responsible for the actions and attitudes that you bring to the wife piece of the marriage, and he is responsible for the husband piece.
Being a good wife is a choice. And I feel that part of that choice (at least in my life) is to be willing to be my husband’s “of course”. I leave Jason in God’s hands, I let them be my “of course” and don’t worry about if they are doing their jobs properly. As for myself, I can choose selflessness, I can choose service, I can choose love.
Like the trust fall, I can choose to be the person at the bottom that is fully committed to catching him when he falls backward. He doesn’t need to worry that he will hit the ground, because of course I will be there. He can take that for granted.