I always say that my life is out of control chaotic. It probably isn’t as bad as I think, but it does seem like I am always a few steps behind. My laundry is done, but still folded in the baskets. My dishes are washed, but the next dish pile is starting in the sink. My baby is clean.. but she’s working on something, I can tell.
Today I saw an Instagram post by one of my favorite artists, who is also a new mom. She said that it is crazy to think that her son won’t remember any of these times that they share together for the first few years, but they are so foundational to his life. She said that looking back over the past few months she is realizing how much she needed this baby. In her words, “He has burrowed his way into the dusty recesses of my selfish false piety. I am cracked open and poured out.”
When I feel inadequate to the tasks of daily life, I am trying to remember this: the most important job in my life is to love and nourish and pray over this little soul. The example that I put before her is going to mark her life in ways that terrify me. Sometimes I lay next to her and my heart aches because of how precious she is, and how much I want to be a good mother. And I realize that the best mother is one who goes back, time and time again, to fill her heart with grace and truth from Christ. I realize that I needed this baby; she lays bare my selfish soul, she cuts to the core of my wicked heart, she drives me back to Jesus without fail.
The object of my affection just stinked in her diaper. There’s the sappy and then there’s the practical, they go hand in hand.