my month as a stay at home mom.

In a bizarre and unexpected turn of events, I have found myself unemployed.

The story is stupid, and ongoing, and ridiculous, and I’m not going to tell it to you.

I think I spent the first week of unemployment angry at everything.  There was ranting, there was crying.. it was just ugly and morbid.  The second week I spent completely re-hauling my life, deciding that we should take this opportunity to move since we had been talking about it, and applying everywhere under the sun in the area we were hoping to get to.  The next few weeks have been waiting impatiently, seeing no results, getting random horrible pieces of news from different people, feeling depressed, and finally, giving up.

When I spend weeks spiraling into insanity, Jason’s outlook on life always smacks me in the face.  He says, “I’m really glad you get to spend this time with Eden.”

Sigh.

My dream has always been to get to be a stay at home mom, to watch my babies grow up, to see each little milestone.  But I was so obsessed with money and whining and justice that I was missing the opportunity that I had been given.  I may not get to continue being a stay at home mom, but I had best soak it up while it lasts!

So we started picking rooms to clean each day, Eden would ride on my back in the baby carrier while I vacuumed the floor or washed the dishes.  We figured out that the crib was just not working for us and transitioned to a Montessori style floor bed, which is working better.  We started child proofing.  We tackled piles of junk that had been long untouched.

The applications we sent out have gone unanswered, and so moving has gotten pushed to a back burner and we have to figure out how to make it work here.  I am looking into watching kids because I am reluctant to go back to spending the majority of my time away from Eden, but I may find that my stay at home mothering days are numbered, and I don’t want to have wasted one minute.

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2 thoughts on “my month as a stay at home mom.

  1. Good on Jason. Yeah, sometimes you need to remind yourself consciously to make the most of the moment at hand. I spent way too much of my involuntary time off (ten years ago) being depressed and worried, but I really enjoyed the time I could spend volunteering at Jess’ school. Also enjoyed having the time to write a novel, even if it’s taken me ten years to revise it.

    Wishing you and Jason good things for the next few months, open windows and hopeful opportunities. And lots of time with Eden in this wonderful discovery phase, as she figures out how to get the cheerio to stay in her mouth once she gets it there.

    • I have to keep reminding myself that it isn’t the end of the world. People go through and past these things all the time, we won’t die or lose the game of life or anything crazy. I’m so glad we got out to see you while Eden was still a baby!

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