I have not written in a long time.
Some people have things that define them, but I have always felt like I hop around. I have been through phases where I write constantly, where I draw or do graphic design obsessively, or where I play the piano, sing and write music like it is my life’s passion. Then when I stop doing those things for whatever reason, I find that the people who knew me as “Beth the girl that sits at the piano in her spare time” get confused about why I’m not doing that anymore.
I really don’t know. The compulsive need isn’t driving right now. I still love writing, music, art and design. But my life is full of being an adult and sometimes I can’t find the energy for hobbies. Sometimes I am so frustrated by the song that is in the back of my head but won’t let me write it that I need to go do something else that comes easier. Sometimes I realize that my hobbies aren’t helping me build relationships and so I abandon them to pursue conversation with people.
Right now I am trying my hand at photography. It is HARD. With my iPhone I can glance at the screen to see that it is composed the way I want and wait for the right moment, but with the DSLR I am stuck looking through this tiny viewfinder and capturing something only to realize I didn’t focus right or it is overexposed. But the feeling of getting an amazing shot with a good camera is such a high, I’m going to keep going for awhile and see where I end up.
I believe that my identity is founded in Christ. My life is centered around my family. When I have a minute I like to reach out to friends. And if I can fit in some paint or steal a few minutes at a piano that is great. But I am not “Beth the singer” or “Beth the Bible Journaler” or “Beth the blogger”. I don’t want a passtime to define me to other people. I am Beth, your friend. The one who will listen to your stories and feed you dinner. I am Beth, the wife and mom who tries to be a good homemaker with all my ability. I am Beth, the Christian. The one who will share her hardest struggles and cheer you on in your personal relationship with God. And I may sing and paint and write on the side, but that doesn’t cover half of who I really am.